Therapist: “What brings you in today?”
Love Sick Lesbian (LSL): “I can’t take it anymore…I love her so much but she plays with my heart…”
Therapist: “Tell me more about this Love.”
LSL: “It’s been going on for years and I don’t know how to get over it… I don’t know if this is love or an obsession… or am I just crazy?”
Therapist: “Maybe it’s all of the above… mixed in with a little Infatuation.”
LSL: “Help me. Can you please help me get over her?”
Funny? It is not meant to be. Everyday I get at least one email from a woman sharing this exact thought process. She is telling me in great detail about a woman sometimes even more than one she cannot let go of and has been holding on for months if not years. It’s unimaginable the time and energy we put into our “unforgettable” loves. UNIMAGINABLE, not only in feelings and emotions but sometimes sacrificing other relationships and financial goals.
You could possibly define it as going crazy on some narcotic, and you would not be too far from the truth. Yet, just like a drug we will allow it to consume us until we have reached the very limits of space… until without a doubt we can truly believe there is no hope with that woman. Sometimes that road is endless as glimmers of hope are always within reach, so how do we get over this infatuating toxic relationship?
Infatuation is very different to love and presents itself as feelings that could not possibly be confused with a committed and loving love. When we are infatuated we a filled with feelings ofuncertainty and panic, lust is at full throttle, and excitement overwhelms us, we are impatient and easily ignited into jealousy.
When we are infatuated we are almost in a sense overdosed with love and are having a sever reaction. None of us can say we are happy while in that zone as we are filled with feelings of doubt and mistrust for our “toxic love.” We can become so consumed that misery takes over and interferes in other areas of life: work, family, and friends. Often we are overpowered by sexual urges and needs that scream to be fulfilled.
Why do we go crazy? Because when you meet a woman you are attracted too you have a surge of energy that occurs in your brain stimulating the parts that are responsible for feelings of euphoria and forming attachment. However, as nice as this may sound, just like an addict we become tolerant of this energy and start chasing the new high! Some of us jump from one relationship to another. Others create drama (Lesbian Drama Mamas) and self-sabotage to build new highs (Psychodykos), or move on hurt and less trusting than before (Les Runners), only to fall in a similar hole later. See any words you can identify with?
How can we avoid this vicious circle of toxic love? Simple, you have to ride the river towards romantic love. In other words, you have to change the way you express it. We are so eager we get caught up in moments that last months or years. We forget about experiencing the feeling and allowing them to move through us. Instead we hold on and end up suffocating on our feelings and become disillusioned in the end.
Love Sick Diet
- Take time to know someone and trust them.
- Enjoy the moment for what it is “A Moment in Time vs I Want this FOREVER.”
- Always have a supportive environment and use them when in doubt or hurting.
- Look at yourself. Examine your template of love.
- Talk to a counselor about co-dependency issues and difficulty with letting go.
- Most importantly know your worth and believe that it is worth sharing with the right person at the right time and that your “Infatuation” may just not be it (and that’s perfectly okay.)
Alex Karydi~The Lesbian Guru