September 30, 2023

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Leading The Way To Health

Grief Healing – What “I Can” and Can’t Do

Saying “I can’t” is like saying you are not interested in feeling better. Or it could be that society has beaten down your inner empowerment. Challenges often chase away and choke your energy and dispel any hope for healing, peace and joy. “I can’t” thoughts weaken your mental attitude.

There is a better attitude for you. Instead it is saying I can feel better. Perhaps, right now in the condition you find yourself in-saying I can is difficult. Instead, try saying something like this: “It may be difficult, but I’m going to give it my best effort.” Or say, “If I want to be happier, I will… ” These are words that declare your intentions and tell everyone, most importantly yourself, you are open to recovery. Most significantly, they are an inner messages to you – “I think I can, I think I will, this is what I will do”.

Think About Your Grief Feelings

Your words and attitudes come from within you, not from what is around you. Hope, Healing, and Health, start with what you choose to think and talk about most of the day.

A loss of a loved one, a loss of a limb, are only two examples of many weighty causes for feelings wrapped up in the grief you may experience. Grief is a feeling of your heart and mind. Becoming a good host to your grief is a challenge. Grief is unique to each individual. You must allow yourself to deal with grief in your own way. Learning to strategically cope and heal from the effects of grief requires engaging in personal empowerment efforts.

“And that is how change happens. One gesture, One person, One moment at a time.” Libba Bray

It is okay to grieve for grief is itself a medicine. A day or two of pity is okay. Grief is often accompanied by bitterness and despair. It is important to allow room for grief. When you think you are over the grieving your grief may return as it ebbs and flows. Recognize that feelings of anger, sadness, and frustration are normal ways for you to think about your grief.

“You don’t heal from the loss of a loved one because time passes, you heal because of what you do with the time.” Carol Crandell

Some hide from grief or pretend grief is not present. Various grieving clocks seem to slumber, others run at a different pace. They all show the correct grieving time. Your grief clock expresses your correct time. Prayer and communion with your God can bring solace and healing to you. You alone must accept some responsibility to overcome grief. Sorrow must be allowed to take up space. Grieving is cyclical and must be allowed to ebb and flow. Grief leads you toward coping and healing; you must allow it time. However, you must not hibernate, hoping and thinking your grief will cure during the winter of your grief. You must engage in the task of mourning and then healing.
To heal in grief is to become whole again, to integrate your grief into yourself and learn to continue your changed life with fullness and meaning. Experiencing a new and changed you.

“Wholeness” requires that you engage in the work of mourning. If it doesn’t happen to you; you must stay open to that which has broken you. Healing is a holistic concept that embraces the physical emotional, cognitive, social, and spiritual realms. Note that healing is not the same as curing, which is a medical term that means “remedying” or “correcting.” You cannot remedy your grief, but you can reconcile it. You cannot correct your grief, but you can heal it.” Alan D. Wolfelt, Ph.D.

It is crucial, in fact vital, for you to use all the necessary tools which empower you to take the needed steps on your healing journey.

Consider Reading As A Healing Solution

If you don’t have time to read, do you have time to heal? Reading can be an absolutely useful solution to your grief relief. Think of it this way: You can’t (definitely shouldn’t be) a doctor without studying and gaining medical knowledge and practices. You can’t be a college professor and teach others unless you have read and studied and acquired the necessary information to be able to give it to others. In almost any professional field, reading is a necessary and important ingredient in the recipe to become a professional. Reading in your personal religious scriptures can give you solace and strength. Reading is an incredible tool for anyone grieving and filled with sadness-make time to read! Frankly, that is why I publish articles and write grief relief books-to help you move through your grief and heal your sorrow.

Read for discovery. Reading is not so you can say this at cocktail parties: “Yes, I read the Harry Potter series, every volume.” Perhaps magic broomsticks and curses are not your thing. Read to connect with and understand new ideas and old traditions. Read to think about other thoughts beyond your grief. Read for growth. Gain inspiration by reading a wide-range of subject matter.

“If one reads enough books one has a fighting chance. Or better, one’s chances of survival increase with each book one reads” Sherman Alexie

Reading is one more important tool available to use as you travel on your grief journey toward reconciliation of your sorrow, towards peace and a happier you. Have you already made time for reading? Great if you have! Making time every day to read will increase your vocabulary. It will bring focus. A good book can be entertaining. More importantly, your regular reading habit can keep your brain active, provide mental stimulation and give to you a boost of healing focus.

Other Action Considerations.

There are also many other action thoughts you should consider: When in doubt take the next step: life isn’t fair, but it’s still good. Cry with someone. At times it can be more healing than crying alone. God can take it; it is okay to get angry at God. God loves you not because of anything you didn’t do or did do, but because he is God. Revisit your past as often as you need, make peace with it, so it won’t mess up the present. It is really up to you, but it is never too late to be happy one baby step at a time. You are in charge of your happiness no one else. Believe in miracles then do everything you can to experience them. Miracles are everywhere. Don’t make the mistake of auditing your life-rather show up for your grief class and make it the best you can here and now. Always choose a positive engaged life.